Up until early 2014, I had a really strange relationship to food & fitness.
When I was younger, I was picked on a lot because I was a chubby kid. You know the awkward stage that most kids go through? Well, mine lasted about 6 years. I couldn’t fit into clothes because I was always in between sizes. From a very young age, I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t feel that my body reflected who I felt like I was “inside”. I had a vibrant personality. I loved to laugh. I was a total dork. BUT behind closed doors, I was insecure and ashamed and, as a result, I became a super bossy kid to overcome it.
Fast forward to the end of high school and I had gotten much taller (and thus my weight had distributed pretty nicely). My family always ate healthier than all of my other friends families and I felt that I could go into college with an understanding of how to treat my body. And all through college, I thought I did just that. But looking back, I have no idea what I was thinking. I was a cardio junkie. I would do at least an hour of cardio a day (ah, gag me) and then I would have dessert from the cafeteria every day and chocolate milk with every meal and think that it all evened out. Before I knew it, I got to be the heaviest I had ever been in my life, and I certainly was the unhealthiest. I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw but I kept telling myself that I was doing everything that I could to lose the weight and nothing was working. I remember telling my roommate in college, "Well, this is obviously the weight that I am supposed to be. My body must not be able to look any different". It's incredible what we can tell ourselves to not take accountability for our choices.
Here’s the thing - I’m an actor and although I wish it weren’t the case, the acting business is largely about looks.
Do you look the part to play this role?
Do you have the STAMINA to sustain 8 shows a week?
Can you handle this five minute dance number and not be so out of breath that you can’t sing the rest of the song once it’s over?
And I realized by my Junior year that come graduation, if I kept things up the way I was, I would not make it in this business. I hit a breaking point and new I needed to DO something.
And that’s when I found Tone It Up. I was 172 pounds that July when I joined Tone It Up and with a lot of hard work, by that next February, I was down to 145 pounds. Now here’s the thing. What Tone It Up promotes is EXTREMELY AWESOME. I truly believe in what they are putting out there and the plan itself. It works and it’s a lifestyle that you can adapt forever. But I was so DESPERATE for a change that I took things too far. I wasn’t eating enough and I was overdoing it on my working workouts. I went from one extreme to the next and I didn’t understand the idea of a happy medium. I’m 5’10” and 145 pounds is just too small for my body frame . Or at least, it was for me. All of my friends were concerned that I wasn't treating my body well and they were right. I wasn't.
That next summer, I had a very difficult time and I gained all the weight that I had lost back. I essentially had to start from scratch again, but this time, I took control of my physical AND mental state and I slowly have made positive changes to my life that have led me to where I am today. I’m not perfect (and to be honest, I think perfection is overrated and unattainable), but I am willing to learn and be the best version of myself I can be. For me, this means FEELING HAPPY. And while that definitely includes sweating and keeping fit and eating consistently well, it also means that I will let myself LIVE and have a glass of wine when I want to, eat that dark chocolate and hell, I will treat myself to a burger with my husband every once in awhile because goddamnit I just want a burger.
So that’s my story, so far. And what has led me to find my TRIBE and to pursue self love & health coaching as a career. I believe that no matter where you are in life, it is possible to make a positive change TODAY. It just takes a little bit of courage, a whole lot of love and a leap of faith.
What are you waiting for?
Wanna Live Your F*ck YES life and heal your relationship with food and fitness once and for all? Join our next challenge HERE!