I've always known that whatever hardship came my way I could handle.
I'm strong willed and a hell of a fighter.
When I was 8, at overnight camp, I was bullied and literally thrown rocks at by the other girls in my cabin.
When I was 10, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and unexpectedly couldn't walk and ended up in the hospital for 4 days with the doctors unable to diagnose what was wrong with me.
I’ve struggled with body image, toxic friendships, losing friendships, orthorexia, the yo yo dieting binge cycle, anxiety, panic attacks, the works, and with self development and the right tools, I’ve overcome them.
But some things you just don’t feel like you can…
When I found out I was positive for the BRCA 1 gene earlier this year, I tried so hard to not let it derail me and have a total breakdown — to be “strong”. But the day I found out, I couldn’t keep it together. I ran to the shower and had a totally hot ass mess breakdown, movie style.
And it’s crazy to think that in 2 weeks, on December 3rd 2018, I’m going to have the official “previvor” status.
Yup, I’m chopping off my tits.
The decision to get a preventative double mastectomy was easy. I knew going into my genetic testing that if I found out I was #brca1 I would be going through with the surgery. (I didn’t WANT to, but I knew that’s what I would want to do given the circumstances.)
I could have gone the preventative screening route — which is a totally valid option! — but I know myself and I knew that I would constantly be living in fear.
Getting tested on the other hand? I put it off for years out of fear. But if there’s one thing I hope my journey with all of this shared is that knowing your predispositions is what gives you AGENCY over your HEALTH and your LIFE.
I’m grateful I know because now, I get to MAKE a choice. I get to stand up to cancer and tell it to fuck right off.
And that is a powerful thing.
Maybe you have a history of breast or ovarian cancer in your family and you can relate. Or maybe you are navigating your journey with a genetic mutation too. Or maybe, you are waiting to do something you know you need to do out of FEAR.
I’m here to tell you you’re not alone, my love. And that if you need ANYTHING, I’m always just a message away.
If you want to learn more about BRCA and my journey with it,
I’ll be blogging more about my recovery journey and everything in between so if we’re not email penpals, be sure to subscribe to my email list to not miss a beat.
Your love & support means the world.
Let’s kick this BRCA gene in the goddamn tits.