sexuality

Episode #147: We're Here & We're Queer | A Conversation on Fluidity with Kiana Lewis

Photo by: @tonals.corner

How the f*ck do we even begin to feel at home in our queerness, let alone cultivate queer community when we’re starting to come out and own our sexuality?

When I first came out four years ago (this month!), I felt SO damn confused. And SO damn alone. And, to be honest, I often still struggle to feel connected to my queerness beyond my individual self.

Learning from Kiana and, honestly, just watching them live their life so damn connected to her queerness and authenticity has been so liberating for me — and I knew you would all resonate SO strongly with and learn so much from their energy, her story and their lived experience as a queer, and former non monogamous, person.

If you’re new to all things Healing Is Imperfect, Kiana (she/they) is a Black queer twenty something in love with her partner, her friends and her cat. She is a sex educator, pleasure mentor and sex work advocate. They believe in the past, present and future liberation of all people through fighting anti-Blackness, centering the queer and trans community, and connecting to whatever one considers spiritual. Kiana has learned from and is fueled by pleasure activism. She loves dancing, being by bodies of water, analyzing too many things and quoting their favorite TV shows and movies.

Things she highlights and what we talk about in todays episode:

  • their journey doing sex work

  • taking nudes & the safety/fears around sharing our bodies

  • honoring our lineages through the work we do & the way we show up in the world

  • the multiple phases of our coming out journeys

  • how they began to cultivate their local queer community & where you can start with your own journey

  • going from 5 years of non monogamy to monogamy in their current relationship

  • the struggle of dating cis men, navigating the patriarchy, gender expression, identity politics and beyond

CONNECT/WORK WITH KIANA:

Their Instagram @healingisimperfect

1:1 Pleasure Mentoring via The Expansive Group

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

@_sagetheflame @queersextherapy

Inventing Anna

It’s About Damn Time

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #134: I'm Addicted To You Don't You Know That You're Toxic Monogamy Culture

I’ve been sharing more and more about toxic monogamy culture and it’s been a super polarizing subject. For many, they outright deny that it could even be a thing. For others, it’s been a massive lightbulb a-ha moment where everything starts to make sense about why they’ve felt so much resistance for so long. And other folks are like F*CK YESSSS THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS IT’S SUCH A THING AND NOBODY DOES!

It’s a lot to navigate through — the responses, the emotions and our own unique response when we’re met with the idea of toxic monogamy culture in the first place — and I get it! It was A LOT for me to wrap my head around too when I started unpacking it in my own life. So today, we’re deep diving into this incredibly important topic and getting into the juicy details once and for all.

Things I cover in todays episode:

  • how me just being who I am is in and of itself polarizing for so many folks

  • compulsory heteronormativity & monogamy

  • approaching life from a lens of curiosity

  • how toxic monogamy culture is possible in monogamy AND polyamory

  • my perspective on monogamy as a whole

  • WTF toxic monogamy actually is

  • The relationship escalator

  • Some prime examples of how toxic monogamy shows up in relationships

Episode #133: Demisexual Sluts Unite | A Conversation with Jessica Levity

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Demisexual sluts unite.

Okay, all jokes aside for a minute, today on the podcast, we’re deep diving into all things demisexuality. Whether you identify as a slut or not, you’re gonna LOVE this conversation where my friend and fellow polyamorous creator & educator Jess deep dive into our personal experiences coming into our demisexuality — and so much more.

Who is Jess? Jessica Levity (she/her) is a digital media and live entertainment producer and entertainer livin' in Reno, Nevada. Pre-panny you could find her on stage in a variety of touring shows through her company Homeslice Productions. After the pandemic killed her industry, she finally launched a "back-burner" project called "Remodeled Love", whose mission is to "expand the cultural narrative on healthy relationships and polyamory". It is now her most successful (and global) project! She's a white, cis woman, who identifies as a queer, polyamorous, demisexual slut. She's also a mama, an anti-capitalist, and witchy as fuck.

If you don’t know her, get ready to fall in love with her energy, her real-ness and the hilarity that ensues in this conversation.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Woo practices & outlining the most important pieces of our dating profiles

  • The definition of demisexuality

  • What being demisexual has meant for us

  • Our group chat of polyamorous creators

  • How things plays into our individual journeys with kink

  • How we both feel about being demisexual and how it impacts our polyamorous journeys

  • Power, expectations, flirting, body dysmorphia and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Jess’s Instagram | Website

Remodeled podcast

Jessamyn Stanley

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #129: Bisexuality, Polyamory & Coming Home To Yourself | A Q&A episode

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Todays episode is a little different & fun — I’m answering some incredible community based questions around all things sexuality, polyamory and beyond.

I haven’t done a q&a episode in a while, and while I answer questions all of the time on Instagram and Tik Tok, it’s really tough to really peel back the curtain and answer with any level of depth on those platforms. So today, we’re getting down and dirty in the goods.

Pull up your headphones and press play to laugh alongside of me and rock out this special episode!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #127: MRKH Syndrome Awareness with Kylie McMahon

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What is MRKH syndrome? Until I met Kylie, I had no idea either.

When Kylie found out she had MRKH, she felt completely alone. And while it’s rare (1 in 5000 women have it), it’s something that many of us can relate to — whether we’ve had our own experiences around unexpected diagnosis that change our lives, any struggles when it comes to sex or infertility.

Kylie is from Toronto, Ontario. She’s an inspired creator, a deep feeler, and a performer at heart. She’s a human of many passions: people, dogs, music, movement, self-discovery, mental health, craft beer, Italian food, coffee, tattoos, true crime, and writing. And she’s turned all of these passions into getting her own story of living with MRKH syndrome into the world, and developing awareness of it so others feel less alone.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • How Kylie discovered she had MRKH

  • The ins and outs and MRKH

  • Navigating shame

  • Her journey with sex and not feeling “normal”

  • How the diagnosis impacted her mental health

  • Normalizing the lack of desire to have children

  • What she would tell her twenty something year old self

  • Infertility, partnered sex, all things taboo and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session

Let’s Talk Polyamory community zoom call

Video version of the podcast

Kylies Instagram

Couples therapy

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #116: Normalizing Ethical Non Monogamy | A Conversation With Gabrielle Smith

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I am so excited to share this conversation with one of my favorite humans who advocates for all things ethical non monogamy: the one and only Gabrielle Smith.

Gabrielle Smith (she/her) is a Brooklyn-based sex and relationship writer. She specializes in looking at ethical non-monogamy, LGBTQ+ topics, mental health and sex-positivity from an intersectional standpoint. Her work has appeared in publications like SELF, Cosmopolitan, Greatist, Insider, Bitch Media and various others. She provides resources about ethical non-monogamy on her Instagram @bygabriellesmith.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Gabrielles journey to ethical non monogamy

  • The importance of non sexual life partners

  • Why capitalism and the nuclear family has created a problematic foundation

  • Solo polyamory

  • The joy of the “choose your own adventure” way of doing relationships

  • Dating anecdotes as a bisexual woman

  • Her experience of being a black woman in the polyamorous/ENM space

  • Kink, sexual liberation, emotional intelligence and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

LIVE YOUR F*CK YES LIFE VIRTUAL SUMMIT TICKETS — SELF LOVE & BODY CONFIDENCE EDITION

Video version of the podcast

Gabrielles Instagram

Gabrielles article: My Dating Life Does Not Define My Blackness

Love Is Not Color Blind

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #106: Using Pleasure To Cope With Trauma And Grief - A Conversation with Alyssa Pressman

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Hi loves.

Todays episode is different — you may notice that there’s no typical intro music/snippets — because it didn’t feel right today. This week has been heavy. Hell, this year has been a fucking trip. And I wrestled with the idea of not releasing a podcast episode today — I wasn’t sure how we would be experiencing this post election day time. And when I woke up yesterday morning, in a mix of deep feels/sadness and hope for a brighter future in the US, I knew that this conversation, with a soul human of mine, was one that I needed to share with all of you today.

And with that, I’d like to introduce to you my friend and kindred spirit, Alyssa Pressman (she/her).

Alyssa is a Licensed Clinical Therapist & Certified Sex + Relationship Coach. She specializes in pleasure & joy post trauma, grief & with chronic illness. She loves supporting women in moving closer to themselves, to other people and to creating lives that feel in deep alignment with their unique desires. She is a BRCA1 mutation carrier like me, and a person living with chronic illness and pain. Reaching for joy and pleasure has been deeply healing for her. When not working, you can find her dancing, lounging, reading or cooking, usually scantily clad if not naked. She loves talking, learning and sharing on all things sex, relationships, death, healing & dark nights of the soul-you know, all the super casual things.

I invite you to take this one on a walk outside, or curl up with a cup of tea and absorb these words as a way to get away, for a moment, from the chaos. You are so loved.


Things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Alyssa’s wake up call around a chronic illness that made it impossible to have penetrative sex without serious pain in her younger twenties

  • How her work as a sex & relationship coach started to empower her sexually, in a more wholistic way

  • Pelvic floor struggles

  • BRCA and the other piece of the fear with our mutual diagnosis: ovarian cancer

  • Self pleasure practices & building a relationship with your pussy

  • How to claim your sexuality as your own and experience life changing pleasure

  • Redefining what sex and pleasure is

  • How to talk to your partner(s) around how to have more connected intimacy with one another

  • Boobs, the beauty of being un-partnered, using pleasure as a form of self care and beyond

Episode #105: All Things Polyamory Q&A | A Conversation With My Husband

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Is monogamy the only way to build a conscious, loving and lifelong relationship?

I used to believe it was the only way. But as you know, as I shared in episode 101, after 8 years together, we moved away from the monogamous framework and stepped into the ethical non monogamous space two years ago.

I know that people have MANY strong feelings around this (and it makes sense! Monogamy is what our society is built around and I definitely had my fair share of concerns and shame spiral around even the thought of considering it for years before we moved in that direction), and I’ve been getting LOADS of questions in my Instagram DMs so I decided to bring on a super special guest — my incredibly goofy and wonderful husband — to dig into what our unique journey into polyamory has looked like.

We are certainly not experts when it comes to polyamory, ethical non monogamy or relationships — you can listen to a bunch of previous podcast episodes around relationships, sex and beyond from the experts — but I do think that almost 10 years of going through the shit with a human entitles us to have some shit to say that’s worth sharing. And hell, we are certainly experts on OUR unique individual experiences in the world of ethical non monogamy and polyamory.

And today on the podcast, we deep dive into some pretty dense topics around relationship longevity, health and beyond and I am THE MOST excited to share this conversation with you all.

Things we discuss on todays episode:

  • My husband’s unique perspective around why polyamory and ENM feels aligned for him

  • How we opened the door to transition from YEARS of monogamy and how we ended up identifying as polyamorous

  • The difference between affairs/cheating and non monogamy

  • The multiple umbrellas of non monogamy: swinging, polyamory etc.

  • Attraction and relationship preferences are a spectrum as much as sexuality & gender is

  • A deep dive into some of the ups and downs of this journey, both as individuals and as a couple

  • ENM terms like unicorn hunting, triad vs. throuple, nesting/anchor partner, non hierarchical vs. hierarchical polyamory

  • Navigating jealousy and insecurities we’ve both experienced in our journey

  • Boundaries, communication and agreements & the path to figure that shit out being MESSY AF

  • All things fantasy/kink, how polyamory isn’t really so different than monogamy, ridiculous banter between the two of us and so much more.

Episode #101: I'm Coming Out...Again | A Solo Episode

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Happy start to season 5 of the podcast!!

It’s fucking hard to believe we’re already 5 seasons in — can you believe it?

And we are kicking things off with a deep dive into an area of my personal self and my identity that I have yet to share publicly. It is something that has felt a long time coming and I’m so excited and ready to share about this part of myself.

So yeah, I’m coming out. Again. Big time.

As always, on this podcast, we tackle taboo subjects that aren’t spoken to very often. And we’re going in that space this season, DEEP. And I ask that you come in, as always, with an open heart and mind. Create space in yourself to learn and be curious. This is how we grow beyond our wildest dreams, my loves. Let’s do the damn thing.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • How the podcast is evolving as we head into this new season

  • My fear in sharing this aspect of myself with you all

  • What it means to live as my fullest unapologetic, fuck yes self

  • Navigating rejection for being who you are (by others and by your own self!)

  • Ownership and toxic programming in relationships

  • Ethical non monogamy, polyamory, self discovery and beyond!

Episode #95: When Shame Steers The Wheel | A Solo Episode

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I’ve never outright talked about shame on the podcast. The things we’re ashamed of — those are always the scariest things to talk about, right?

This may be the most in my feels episode I’ve ever pressed publish on in almost 100 episodes. Which scares the mother f*cking shirt out of me. Which is exactly why I knew I needed to share it. So come as you are, bring a cup of tea or head out on a walk, and join me in the feels. Meet me in the mess. And let’s have a conversation about shame.

LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Summit

Brene Brown


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Connect with Amanda on her Instagram

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult 

Episode #90: What I've Learned About Myself A Month Into Quarantine | A Solo Episode

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How can we use this time to develop a deeper connection to self? Listen to todays episode. I’ve got you.

In this episode, I share about what I’ve learned about myself in a month of quarantine. It’s been a wild and bumpy ride, for all of us. And I’ve had SO many things on my heart that I’ve wanted to share with all of you so this episode was a MUST.

I hope that in sharing my heart, you can hear your heartbeat through these words too and know you’re not alone.

LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram

Untamed by Glennon Doyle


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult

Episode #85: How Reality TV Gives Us A Skewed AF Way Of Seeing The World with Taylor Nolan

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I’m so excited to share this amazeballs conversation with you on the podcast today with the one and only Taylor Nolan. You may recognize her from as one of Bachelor nation’s most talked about contestants (and one of my personal favorites to ever come from the franchise). If you aren’t familiar with her work and life outside of that space, get READY because she walks the walk on real talk, authenticity and candor.

Taylor is a psychotherapist and host of Let's Talk About It podcast, creating space for meaningful conversations around taboo topics like mental and sexual health. 

And today, we deep dive into all things reality tv and the impact that shows like the Bachelor and Love is Blind (#spoileralert — watch the show!) have on our society and cultural norms as a whole.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Her thoughts and feelings on reality tv now that she’s two years out of her Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise experience

  • The lack of representation in reality tv

  • Why we both love Love Is Blind and our deep thoughts around allllll the shiz there with Carlton, Cameron and Lauren and Gigi and Damien’s relationship

  • Sexuality, purity/innocence complex, toxic monogamy

  • How The Bachelor is basically polyamory

  • Non monogamy, non traditional relationships, our favorite vibrators and beyond!

Episode #81: Twenty Nine Lessons I Learned in This Past Year | A Solo Birthday Edition Episode

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Happy start to season 4 of the podcast!!

Before I deep dove into all the juicy content coming your way this season (AND BREAKING OPEN SOME TOPICS THAT WE HAVE NEVER COVERED ON THE POD), I wanted to share my heart with all of you and go back to my annual birthday tradition of sharing all of the lessons I’ve learned in the past year! 2019 was a BIG one my friends.

Spoiler alert: I get super emotional on today’s episode. What’s new.

Welcome to the mess, the shifts, the joy and all the in-between!

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • The intense awakening I’ve had in the last 3 months and what I’ve been up to since the end of season three

  • 29 lessons I learned in my 29 years on this earth

  • We cover things from relationships to identity to personal growth to health and beyond!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Teami blends — use code LYFYL for 20% at checkout!

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

If/Then the musical

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

WORK WITH AMANDA:

UNAPOLOGETICALLY CONFIDENT COURSE

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership

Episode #66: I Cried on Today's Episode {Life Updates, Navigating my Sexuality, How I lost 10 lbs and beyond}

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Happy start to season 3 of the podcast!!

It’s fucking hard to believe we’re already 3 seasons in — can you believe it?

Before I deep dove into all the juicy content coming your way, so many of you have been asking for a life update on what’s been going on with me the past few months so, in true FUCK YES form, your wish is my command.

Spoiler alert: I get super emotional on today’s episode.

Welcome to the mess, the shifts, the joy and all the in-between!


Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • Why I took a break from the podcast

  • The updates around my sexuality and navigating all of that

  • The specific hormonal shifts I made to help me lose 10 lbs and shift my hormonal weight gain post double mastectomy

  • Adventures I had in the break

  • What my soul sistah human is — are you her?

  • My huge shifts in my business and finances

Episode #64: How Fluid Is Sexuality Anyways? | A Conversation with Rachel Wright

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In honor or Pride Month, I’m so excited to be exploring all things sexuality on todays podcast.

I couldn’t have had a better person to have this podcast than Rachel Wright — a fan favorite over here at the Live Your F*ck Yes life podcast. Not only does she bring a super important research based and clinical approach to the subject matter (when she lived in San Francisco and hosted her private practice there, she worked almost exclusively with the LGBTQ+ community) but she also shares so vulnerably about her personal relationship with the topic at hand.

We got deep, you guys. And I’m two parts excited and terrified to share this with you, but as per usual, I’m f*cking going for it.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • The difference between gender and sexuality

  • The different types of sexuality

  • The Kinsey Scale — what it is, and how to figure out where you fall on it

  • Labels - love ‘em or hate ‘em

  • The stigma around bisexuality

  • We both share super personal things around the topic of our own sexuality

  • Some tangible ways to gain clarity around your sexuality

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Rachel’s Instagram | Website

Rachel’s previous episodes: Episode 37 with Rachel on Anxiety | Episode 51 on Breaking the Stigma of Therapy

Kinsey Scale

Kinsey, the movie

Getting Bi - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Tales of the City

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a squad of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on itunes!

Episode #49: Mood swings, menstrual cycles and my journey of going off the birth control pill | A Solo Episode

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On today’s episode I’m deep diving into the past year of navigating my body and hormones after going off the birth control pill.

This time last year, I remember sitting in a coffee shop with my friend Jen talking all about the birth control pill. She had decided to go off of it 6 months prior and was sharing her experience with me and it got me thinking ... "why have I been on the pill for so goddamn long?"

I mean OBVIOUSLY to not have a baby. But the reason I went on the pill in the first place? I was 15 years old and my doctor misdiagnosed me with PCOS and said "here, just take the pill. It'll help your symptoms." And she was right, it did. And I didn't question it (and hadn't questioned it for years).


But that conversation got me thinking about how I'd been putting synthetic hormones into my body for 12 years of my life without question ('cause ya know, everyone is on the pill, right?) and that I hadn't even thought to question it.  And after my 27th birthday, after all of the medical stuff going on with me at the time, and the incredible conversation I had with Claire Baker on episode 7 of the podcast and speaking with my doctor, I decided to officially go off of the pill. 

Now I want to preface this by saying this is in NO WAY a "you need to go off the pill" podcast. YOU are the only person that can make choices for YOUR body (and girlfriend, you 100% know what's best for YOU and where you're at in life), but this past year has given me SO much insight into my body and my hormonal health

So here is MY story based off of my personal findings, speaking with my trusted hormone experts, my doctor and MY BODY.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • My journey with the birth control pill

  • What is actually happening to your body when you’re on the pill

  • Why I decided to go off the pill and what path I decided to go with

  • The nitty gritty of what it's really like to get an IUD inserted

  • Embracing my body and learning to love myself via my menstrual cycle

  • The pressure to show up in a way that goes agains our bodies in a masculine focused world

  • Reframing cramps and our periods as positive and beautiful experiences

    *edit: the Paraguard lasts 10 years not 5!